The Words given by My Father That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to communicate among men, who still hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - taking a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."